Support for Family & Friends.
Thank you for being there for your survivor through this tragic time. The person you know surviving a miscarriage, they need your love and support, they need you to know what to be sensitive towards - we're here to help! Below is compiled information from many different websites, books, blogs, and events we've held. We hope this information can assist you through this time.
Please JOIN our efforts to bring awareness to Miscarriage, if you haven't already. Thank you.
- GRANDPARENTS.COM - "Comforting Your Child After a Miscarriage" by Beverly Lessard
- GRANDPARENTING-ESSENTIALS.COM - "Miscarriage and IVF"
- WEBMD - "Pregnancy and Miscarriage"
- PREGNANCY-INFO.NET - "Grandparents Grieve, Too"
- MARTHA WEGNER-HAY - "How Can I Help?"
- WALTER WILLIAMSON - "Miscarriage: Sharing the Grief, Facing the Pain, and Healing the Wounds"
- MARIE ALLEN - "Miscarriage: Women Sharing from the Heart"
- VERILYMAG.COM - "Hidden Losses, part one" by Julia Hogan
- VERILYMAG.COM - "Hidden Losses, part two" by Julia Hogan
- LIFEREARRANGED.COM - "What to do/say when a friend experiences loss" by Jeannett
- BELLYBELLY.COM.AU - "Miscarriage - How To Support Someone After Miscarriage Or Loss" by Kelly Winder
- BUZZFEED.COM - "How To Be A Friend To Someone Who Has Had A Miscarriage" by Rachel Wilkerson Miller
- OUR HOPE PLACE - "How can I help if my friend has experienced a miscarriage?"
If you can add to this list, let us know!
What NOT To Say
You might not understand right now, in the heat of the moment, that what you say or have said can severely distress your survivor and you won't even know until she has the gull to tell you. Most survivors never will tell you, they simply do not have the energy too - so it is your responsibility to help, not hinder.
We all think that "It's Okay", "It will get better", "Time will heal", "It wasn't meant to be", sound like good things to say - they aren't. Sometimes just letting her know that you're there for her does a lot more than 'therapy talk'.
- NOTHING AT ALL - Understandably, miscarriage is a very hard topic of conversation and can bring even the worst emotions to someone who has not experienced it - however, it is incredibly important that you reach out somehow someway. Even if its to say "I'm sorry."
- "IT'S IN GOD'S HANDS", "EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON" or "IT WASN'T MEANT TO HAPPEN RIGHT NOW" - Avoid cliche statements like these all together. Keep in mind that not everyone may share the same beliefs as you do, and if they do, right now is the time when one's faith can be shaken. It is not your responsibility to remind them of their faith.
- "GET OVER IT ALREADY" - Grieving can be quick for some and slow for others. It is important that you do not rush your survivor through her grieving process, allow her to feel and heal how she needs too.
- "AT LEAST YOU KNOW YOU HAVE THE ABILITY TO GET PREGNANT" - Miscarriage is something that can occur more than once, some women have multiple miscarriages and never have the opportunity to carry a child to full-term. Getting pregnant is not the goal, having a healthy and living baby is.
- "IT WAS EARLY" - Early in gestation or not, having a miscarriage is incredibly difficult both emotionally and physically. Attachment happens for most expectant mothers the instant they see their positive pregnancy test - your insensitivity towards their child can be incredibly hurtful.
- "YOU'LL HAVE ANOTHER CHANCE" - While this may be true and sounds like a positive way to look at it, the survivor doesn't want to think about this yet. Give them time to grieve their loss right now, don't remind them that they have to go back to the trials of trying again right this second.
Attend an Ally EVENT for more details and examples on how to talk with your survivor in positive ways.